Devin Townsend Wikia

"Crusty's at the Ivanhoe" is the ninth song from the Punky Brüster album Cooked on Phonics, released in 1996.

Song Credits[]

  • Words and music: Devin Townsend


  • Cooked on Phonics (original studio recording)


Crusty's at the Ivanhoe[]

The original album version.


    -Whadya mean it's your fuckin beer! You think you're fuckin DOWN!
    You think you know what the FUCK it is to be DOWN! You dont fukkin
    know! YOU KNOW NOTHING!! 
    *guy yells something weird* 
    With his pain eased, by the sweet kiss of cheap alcohol, Dr.Skinny,
    Dances With Chickens and Squid Viscious, head toward the grannys. 
    Lets hope for the best dear friends. Lets hope, for the best... 
    -Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, the academy
    of recording arts welcomes you to the 23rd annual, GRANNY AWARDS! MCB
    is PROUD to present the most gala musical extraviganza of the year. Anybody
    who is anybody is here tonight, dressed to the nines in order to get even the
    glimpse of some of the many stars grazeing our stage this evening.
    HI THERE! I'm Jimmy Rickles. With Live performances by... 
    Ann Murray ! Deicide! And the one, the only, Punky Brüster!
    But before all that, please give a big round of friendly applause for your host
    this evening, entertainment this hours, PJ Little-Pricky. 
    -Thank you! Thank you, thank you-Yes, quite an exciting evening-thank you,
    thank you. I'm... extremely excited to be your host this evening for the 23rd
    annual granny awards. Right? Yes thank you. Yes... 
    And this year's most exciting year because we got a new award, and thats how
    we're going to start things off tonight... It is a life long achievement award for
    the best punk-rock band. Now this is judged on anarchtic content, chord
    dissonance, hair coloring, body piercing, and of course some other technical
    things we need not concern ourselves with. Without further adieu, lets give this
    award out, and start this party off.  The envelope please? thank you... shes lovely
    isn't she?... nice boobies.... And this years award of course... it will come as no
    surprise to all of you... 
    PUNKY BRÜSTER! Come on up guys! Come and get your award..... 
    -Oh! OH! OH! Thank you! Thank you this is so unexpected! I don'-I don't know
    what to say! Uh... well... we'd like to thank-uh-our families! Our families! Our
    manager-GOD BLESS YOU, GOD BLESS YOU! Uh- The Norwegion Death metal
    scene- Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm s... sorry not that! Just a joke, just a joke 
    -Jokey, Jokey wokey- uuuh, I don't know. GOD BLESS EVERYBODY! Oh, and before
    we go, before we go! We'd like to thank all the Pioneer punk bands of 1994- You
    know who you are guys! Thank you, thank you VERY MUCH- THANK YOU ALL! 
    -Yes, yes folks, Punky Brüster-but guys wait, before you leave the stage please,
    won't you play us a song, the audience is going wiiild here. Yes yes, I think they're
    in agreement with me you must play us a song... No please, please guys! We got it set
    up for you right here. Please come everyone! PUNKY BEUSTER!!! Yes, LIVE, here for you... 
    -awww, you guys! I'd just like to say your all soooo great, for helping us become
    number one. I guess we can just do one song. I mean one little song! Only one though!
    Okay, all set! Guitar? Thank you (got my bass) okay! This is our new single, and it goes
    out to all of, yooouuuu.